Yesterday a friend and I talked about a career move for her. She seemed so confident in her possible decision. At one point in the conversation, she mentioned that she had prayed about it, and she felt that she is doing the right thing. The feeling that I had at that moment is not one I’m proud of. I was jealous.
I was not jealous of the career change or the confidence she had. I was jealous that she was able to get there through prayer. That is not something I do. I realized that what she was saying is that her faith is strong enough that she relied on it to help her make important life decisions. This is not something I have.
When my son was born 5 weeks early, a good friend told me she was praying for my new little family. I remember be thankful that she was doing that because I knew she knew what she was doing. I prayed as well, but it felt foreign to me. It had been a long time since I prayed in a time of need, and I wasn’t sure if anyone was listening.
I wrote a post a while back about writers writing to change things. A reader commented that she writes to change herself. I’m going to agree with her on that. I am writing this post as a commitment to change. If I want to be person that has more faith in God, then I’m the only one who can start that journey.